Friday, May 06, 2011

Little Miss is planning her birthday already. She'll be 4 in August but has already requested a butterfly cake. Quite adamantly! I can remember when my birthday held such magic for me... and I love to see that in her. It's like a tiny, little piece of me carried on. I mean, I know she's half my dna and looks a heckuva lot like me but sometimes it's nice to see those little bits of yourself shine through.

She's recently had such a leap in her personality. She's always been full of personality but her vocabulary has recently jumped to lots of words and complete sentences. Her funny mispronunciations are few and far between, though some people still have a difficult time understanding her completely. I always feel like I have to interpret for her and perhaps I should step back from that role a bit and let her communicate effectively for herself.

She amazes me daily with her nurturing mannerisms. She's so very good with the baby, all babies really. When we go to LLL meetings she strokes the babies heads and talks gently to them. She really is so gentle. She tells everybody she can about her baby and is just so charming. Am I gushing enough about her??

It was 4 years ago that I found out I was having a girl. After 3 boys we desperately wanted a baby girl. I think Hubby and I both wanted that experience of raising a girl. I can remember when I first found out she was a girl there was such a rush of intense emotions, they were overwhelming. At first, I was ecstatic! I couldn't believe that we had finally created a girl. After that rush wore off I can remember feeling panicked that we had finally created a girl. My relationship with my mother and other mother figures in my life is so complicated, I was terrified that I was going to somehow mess her up. It's kind of funny to think back now because really all she needs is my love. And I give it, in abundance.

Our birthdays are two days apart. Sometimes when I look at her and see myself I think of how I was at her age. The things I was experiencing in my life and I'm sure that will continue as she ages. I didn't have a mother anymore when I was 3.5 and I really don't know how I survived without her but I did. Our bond is so strong, so powerful and I think she couldn't possibly manage in a world without me but I guess that is rather egotistical to think I am the sun, the moon, and the stars to her... but really I am. I love that I had a girl, 2 girls. I look forward to the wisdom they will share with me as we grow together.

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