I'm planning to birth this babe at home. I have been envisioning this journey since my pregnancy with Sage. I know this is meant to be and I need to work on finding a centering, calm balance this time around. I know I don't fall in with arbitrary due dates and I never have. I'm not even like most women who birth by 42 weeks, it's entirely likely I will go to 44 weeks. Or, perhaps, even longer. I am mentally preparing for a long ride and I'm intending to enjoy it because I feel this is surely the last time I walk this road.
I can't wait to feel this babe flipping around inside of me. To feel his/her feet and arms and limbs doing a dance in my womb. I can't wait to grow round and goddess-like and to feel the love radiate from myself into myself. I'm meant to do this. I'm meant to grow babies and birth them and love them. This is my life's path.. to mother and nurture. I'm grateful that this is what I have chosen for myself.
This baby has already made his/her presence known. My uterus feels full? I'm not exactly sure how to explain the sensation but I know something is there and I know all is well. In a couple of weeks I will be able to easily feel something there and that makes me feel hopeful and excited. I really thought that I would never experience this again and I'm hoping to chronicle the whole thing, from start to finish.
I feel the need to share a dream I had when I was pregnant with Miss Sage. It was the only pregnancy/delivery dream I had with her. With the boys I often had lots of pregnancy/delivery/baby dreams... I'm not sure why I was only given the gift of one but perhaps it was meant to prepare me for the journey I'm about to embark upon.
"I knew I was in labor and I felt peacefully at ease with myself. I was in the bathroom, laboring in the tub. I felt the need to step out, I felt no pain. As I stepped out of the tub I started to delivery the babies over the bathroom rug. The first out was my girl. My Sage. She was so beautiful. I was enthralled. The second baby was born, the baby was a boy. He was too small and not ready and I was ok with that. I felt in time he would come back to me and I took my time absorbing the details of my little girl. I had no worry about the other baby, I knew in time I would be able to hold him. I knew he wasn't mine yet."Birthing in my bathroom, on my own was such an empowering feeling. I can't describe what it felt like exactly but it felt right and the way things should be. I feel like that is how I was meant to have Sage but I went to the hospital anyway... She was an almost failed induction. I do not want to experience that again. I want to trust that my body and my baby will know when the time is right. I want that experience of empowerment. The feeling from my dream has stuck with me for all these years. ♥