Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Monday, September 28, 2009

Speaking of Blogging...

I thought today I should post the positives in my life. There have been quite a few crappy things going on with me recently.. but I'm trying to put my best foot forward and think only of the things that are positive right now.

Last week my husband had a major meltdown. I think a year's worth of shit just finally fell on top of him and he let go. It's hard when you're faced with a bazillion examples of how you are failing in life right now but I let him have some alone time. As upset as I was leaving him (crying and scared), I felt that things would be ok. On the drive to my grandparent's house I saw a huge rainbow. This rainbow filled me with hope. Hope that all is not lost and that we will find the answer.

Today I applied for food stamps. While it was a bit of a hit to my pride, I know it was a necessity right now. It will be nice not to have to worry about where our next food will be coming from. I'm hoping there will be no major hoops to jump through... I'm sure we'll be fine. I'll be awaiting their call this week.

Somehow in all the chaos we have managed to keep our phones and net on. Those are important.. we lost them for two days but managed to scrape enough money together to put them back on. I have faith that we'll find ways to keep our electric on and water.. although I do have fleeting moments of worry that we'll be shut off.

Hubby is looking for a job in earnest. I wish it was a little more frantic but I know this is how he wants to do this. I know he has to do it his way otherwise he will dread the whole process. This is a positive. I'm certain he will find something and soon.

Just as I'm holding on to certainty that we will sell our land. We desperately need to sell it.. and it hasn't sold yet but it's listed again. It has many things one looks for in mountain land.. I guess it's just waiting for the right person. (hurry up person! we could really use your money!)

If I needed to, I could potentially go to probate court and use some of Kyle's money to keep our house. There are always options... one just needs to look. I spoke to Ky about this and he said that he was ok with the idea. That staying in our home, was most important to him right now. Sometimes my little boy (not so little anymore), is so wise. Hubby does not want to use his money but when I suggested we could always pay him back when we are more on our feet, made him rethink the option.

I've thought of so many things recently.. directions we could go, things we can do. I hope this is just a blip... and often repeat to myself like a mantra, we'll be ok. we'll be ok. we'll be ok. If I say it enough, it will come true! Right? Right.

Oh.. and if by chance, we do lose our home.. we have somewhere to go. My grandparent's would not let us live in our car. Even though it will be a tight fit, we could stay with them for the time being. I hope it doesn't come to that. I plan to fight it with every fiber of my being... We've worked hard for this and I refuse to just give up on it so easily. :)

Monday, September 21, 2009

Times are Tough

I often forgot what a personal tool a blog can be. Journaling has always helped me vent things out in the past and now that I am on the computer more I don't usually write in one. I suppose that is what a blog really is to me.

Times are tough right now for everybody. My husband has been out of work for over a year now... at first I figured he just needed time to wind down from the stress of his previous job, which he did need. Then, when he started looking in earnest for a job, there was nothing available. Nothing. It's still that way. We were ok at first, we had his 401k money and while times were hard we had food and were able to pay the mortgage and bills.

Well, now the 401k money has run out, unemployment is up in the air and there are still no jobs! Our cabinets are almost bare and the cable was shut off, the electric company keeps threatening us, I'm about to lose my internet and we're behind on the mortgage. Did I mention all of the credit card companies that call us daily, all day long? They are very annoying.. bordering on harassing and don't seem to want to listen to our woes.

Of course, we can't just take any job out there. We need a job that will pay our bills and feed our family. What does one do in a situation like this? We have tried to sell the land that we bought just in case we needed it. We were hoping to enjoy it a few times before it came to this point but really... we've never been able to afford to get out there. We've listed it on ebay (and paid their crazy fees!) 3 times to no avail. We could probably sell it back to the company we bought it from but lose a lot of money in the process.

We actually live quite frugally and always have.. but there is only so far you can stretch things. I can say, right now, I'm glad we use cloth diapers and the little one is still nursing. She's still getting what she needs from me.

Saturday was my little boy's birthday. It was actually a great day... I woke up and made him the cake he requested. Chocolate with strawberries inside and chocolate frosting. A dear friend offered to buy us pizza to celebrate and no words can express the gratitude I feel that we have such loving people in our life, that would help make his day even more special.

Yeah, times are hard... but I'm hoping we see our way through this. I really can't wait to be on the other side, nodding my head and smiling at the test of faith we just had. Each day is a rebirth (as another dear friend is often fond of reminding me) and I'm hoping whatever it is I'm supposed to learn through this challenge presents itself soon. I'm trying to keep my head up... some days I really feel like giving up. I'm not sure where this river is leading me but I hope it's to calmer waters soon.