Last Sunday in January

It's been awhile... yeah. famous last words from me.

This weekend my brother stayed over. He's K's age. It puts me in a funny spot because I have to deal with my mother, and right now we're not speaking all because I said I would pick up my brother and realized after I said that (3 months ago!!) that I had no gas in the car. It was fine, we managed to get him over and back home, she is still holding that grudge. Claiming I perpetrated it and wanted it that way. Yeah. Whatever. So tonight I was forced to bring my brother home because I did not want some random anybody to pick him up. Inevitably when I pulled up to the apartment complex there was my mother walking down the stairs with the dog. Ugh! I told my brother I really didn't want to deal with my mom... and she gave pause as soon as she saw me, too. A part of me is really annoyed (and hurt) that she didn't come running out to talk to me. (Aren't I childish?) It's really not ME who has the problem... it's HER. I won't apologize for some perceived fuck up that I know wasn't on purpose. Of all the things to get pissed about. ahem.. I digress.

So yeah, I'm a little bothered that she didn't come out anyway and force me to deal with her. It might have gotten us over this hurdle... or it might not. I'm in such a weird place emotionally right now. Very prickly and sensitive. As I was leaving the apartment parking lot it dawned on me that woman has never been there for me when I truly, truly needed her. Never in my times of grief, never in the times I've fallen and needed a helping hand. And really I just want to say, Fuck that! (and I really feel like this broken record... so and so wasn't there for me when I needed them. wah wah)

On a lighter note... I've become quite the housewife the past two weeks. My kitchen is clean, my living room is clean, my bathroom is clean and all the bedrooms are in some semblance of order. If someone just popped in tomorrow, I wouldn't be mortified to let them in. I like this... and I hope I stick with it.