Speaking of Blogging...

I thought today I should post the positives in my life. There have been quite a few crappy things going on with me recently.. but I'm trying to put my best foot forward and think only of the things that are positive right now.

Last week my husband had a major meltdown. I think a year's worth of shit just finally fell on top of him and he let go. It's hard when you're faced with a bazillion examples of how you are failing in life right now but I let him have some alone time. As upset as I was leaving him (crying and scared), I felt that things would be ok. On the drive to my grandparent's house I saw a huge rainbow. This rainbow filled me with hope. Hope that all is not lost and that we will find the answer.

Today I applied for food stamps. While it was a bit of a hit to my pride, I know it was a necessity right now. It will be nice not to have to worry about where our next food will be coming from. I'm hoping there will be no major hoops to jump through... I'm sure we'll be fine. I'll be awaiting their call this week.

Somehow in all the chaos we have managed to keep our phones and net on. Those are important.. we lost them for two days but managed to scrape enough money together to put them back on. I have faith that we'll find ways to keep our electric on and water.. although I do have fleeting moments of worry that we'll be shut off.

Hubby is looking for a job in earnest. I wish it was a little more frantic but I know this is how he wants to do this. I know he has to do it his way otherwise he will dread the whole process. This is a positive. I'm certain he will find something and soon.

Just as I'm holding on to certainty that we will sell our land. We desperately need to sell it.. and it hasn't sold yet but it's listed again. It has many things one looks for in mountain land.. I guess it's just waiting for the right person. (hurry up person! we could really use your money!)

If I needed to, I could potentially go to probate court and use some of Kyle's money to keep our house. There are always options... one just needs to look. I spoke to Ky about this and he said that he was ok with the idea. That staying in our home, was most important to him right now. Sometimes my little boy (not so little anymore), is so wise. Hubby does not want to use his money but when I suggested we could always pay him back when we are more on our feet, made him rethink the option.

I've thought of so many things recently.. directions we could go, things we can do. I hope this is just a blip... and often repeat to myself like a mantra, we'll be ok. we'll be ok. we'll be ok. If I say it enough, it will come true! Right? Right.

Oh.. and if by chance, we do lose our home.. we have somewhere to go. My grandparent's would not let us live in our car. Even though it will be a tight fit, we could stay with them for the time being. I hope it doesn't come to that. I plan to fight it with every fiber of my being... We've worked hard for this and I refuse to just give up on it so easily. :)

♥